I lay in Savasana. Trying to maintain a clear mind, I acknowledged a nagging thought and tried my best to let it go. In hopes of falling back into a more peaceful meditation, I shifted my focus. The wooden floorboards creaked softly as the instructor walked by. My legs felt warm, and I imagined the sunlight spilling across them from the big windows in the studio. I knew that if I opened my eyes to look out the window, all I would see was a wash of sky blue-another typical, beautiful San Diego day. I brought my attention in even closer to my breath. My mind was quiet. I felt content.
After class, the nagging thought came back, and with it the fury of my ever-analyzing mind. I wasn’t happy. When did I become so complacent? I realized that I felt anxiety from my job every week, and I had been there for over 3 years. I did the math, and realized I needed to make a change.
I had three great jobs, all of which I loved many things about, but there was only one that resonated with my heart. I set up my own business teaching yoga, and while I was doing increasingly well, I wasn’t able to afford my inflated overhead without my other jobs. So I continued on this way, being a yoga instructor by day and a bartender by night. I would wake up with anxiety on the days I had to work at the nightclub. The company I worked for didn’t become successful by luck, and they held their same standards to all of their employees. Lovely in theory, a dichotomy for a bartender. That was the most fun yet stressful, satisfying yet disheartening, financially abundant yet morally challenging job I have ever had. I suppose it comes down to priorities, and priorities change.
My shift in priorities came in the latter half of 2012. I held on tightly to my yoga philosophies as my steady year began to unravel into a pile of difficult life events and the questions that follow. My human desire to stay where it was “easy” was shattered by an even stronger human desire, love. Within months I experienced the loss of a family member, the end of a long relationship, the miracle of life and the celebration of two marriages. All of these things made me realize that while life isn’t always short, it is precious. If I wasn’t happy, than I had better do something about it.
So I took a leap of faith and hoped the universe would support me. I moved out of my favorite apartment, sold my car, put most of my belongings in storage, quit my jobs and said goodbye to my friends. I took an exciting new job that would take me on a journey across the world where I would be challenged to live my yoga more deeply.