Leap of Faith

I lay in Savasana.  Trying to maintain a clear mind, I acknowledged a nagging thought and tried my best to let it go.  In hopes of falling back into a more peaceful meditation, I shifted my focus.  The wooden floorboards creaked softly as the instructor walked by.  My legs felt warm, and I imagined the sunlight spilling across them from the big windows in the studio.  I knew that if I opened my eyes to look out the window, all I would see was a wash of sky blue-another typical, beautiful San Diego day.  I brought my attention in even closer to my breath.  My mind was quiet.  I felt content.

After class, the nagging thought came back, and with it the fury of my ever-analyzing mind.  I wasn’t happy.  When did I become so complacent?  I realized that I felt anxiety from my job every week, and I had been there for over 3 years.  I did the math, and realized I needed to make a change.

I had three great jobs, all of which I loved many things about, but there was only one that resonated with my heart.  I set up my own business teaching yoga, and while I was doing increasingly well, I wasn’t able to afford my inflated overhead without my other jobs.  So I continued on this way, being a yoga instructor by day and a bartender by night.  I would wake up with anxiety on the days I had to work at the nightclub.  The company I worked for didn’t become successful by luck, and they held their same standards to all of their employees.  Lovely in theory, a dichotomy for a bartender.  That was the most fun yet stressful, satisfying yet disheartening, financially abundant yet morally challenging job I have ever had.  I suppose it comes down to priorities, and priorities change.

My shift in priorities came in the latter half of 2012.  I held on tightly to my yoga philosophies as my steady year began to unravel into a pile of difficult life events and the questions that follow.  My human desire to stay where it was “easy” was shattered by an even stronger human desire, love.  Within months I experienced the loss of a family member, the end of a long relationship, the miracle of life and the celebration of two marriages.  All of these things made me realize that while life isn’t always short, it is precious.  If I wasn’t happy, than I had better do something about it.

So I took a leap of faith and hoped the universe would support me.  I moved out of my favorite apartment, sold my car, put most of my belongings in storage, quit my jobs and said goodbye to my friends.  I took an exciting new job that would take me on a journey across the world where I would be challenged to live my yoga more deeply.

My heavenly view somewhere over Asia.

3 Replies to “Leap of Faith”

  1. Very inspiring…it will be interesting where your leap of faith will take you as time goes on especially at a place far from home. Do you think what sparked the events that changed your life so dramatically happened by chance? Or maybe through some sort of cyclical change ?Or maybe through divine intervention of some kind? Pivotal points in life such as this are always the most memorable and intriguing. Its amazing that you switched gears like you did in order to save your happiness.

    1. Every decision we make shapes our futures, but of course there are some things that happen by chance. Yoga reminds me to snap out of my thoughts (ego) and be present in my life, to be kind to myself, and that happiness is simply a change in perspective. Setting myself up for success (like my choice to leave my jobs) makes it all smoother.

      1. I wonder, why is it that us humans are always healing ourselves? Were always looking for some type of therapy as if our existence is inherently painful.

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